גמלתהו טוב ולא רע, כל ימי חייה

“She will bestow upon him good and not bad all the days of her life.”

I have always liked even numbers. For whatever reason they seem better. Cleaner. More attractive. I guess it is because growing up I often felt like the odd one out. If there weren’t even numbers it meant I would not have someone to play with. If teams were being picked, I would be that last one, stuck on a team that didn’t particularly want me and with an uneven number not having a real position to play.

And yet, there is beauty to the odd. It has character and purpose and while it does not always fit it, it most certainly has an advantage by sticking out. It does not and cannot get overlooked or ignored. You will always see it as it is both connected and on its own simultaneously.

The first odd number is of course ‘one.’ And as we discussed in Part 4 the number one is all about unity and about Divinity. This is the idea of one Creator and how as a people we are all a part of that collective soul and whole. The next odd number is three. And the well known expression of course is ‘three is a crowd.’ Who wants to be hanging with a couple? What is worse than being the third wheel (there we go with three again). A bicycle is one thing, but a tricycle is something we should all outgrow. And move upwards and onwards.

And yet, there is a reason the tricycle exists. It is much more stable than the bicycle. Same reason a photographer will use a tripod. That third leg or wheel is just what is needed for balance and security.

And so too, the Jewish perspective is that the ultimate relationship is one of three. There is the husband, the wife, but that third Partner, the One holding it all together, is our Creator. Just like a triangle has two that are parallel and one above, so too in marriage. When both husband and wife believe in something bigger than themselves, when both work towards a higher purpose and greater meaning, it keeps them more connected for they both have the same focus.

There is a beautiful allusion to this in the Hebrew words for ‘man’ and ‘woman’ both of which are comprised of three letters: ish (man) spelled Aleph, Yud, Shin and isha (woman) spelled Aleph, Shin, Hei. Both words share two of the same letters, the Aleph and the Shin spells aish and means ‘fire.’ The letters that differentiate them are the Yud in the word for ‘man’ and the Hei in the word for ‘woman.’ Those two letters together represent one of the names for God. The message is that a woman and man together are fire. That fire can be intense, it can illuminate, it can warm, or it can burn and destroy. Fire must have something to contain it to be healthy or it will rage out of control. The containment is when the fire of the couple is intertwined with their relationship with their Creator.

Three is a foundational number of Judaism. Most importantly are the three parts of the Tanach (Hebraic Bible): The Torah, the Prophets and the Writings. And paralleling this are the three primary elements of creation: air, water and fire as well as the three sections of Jewish souls: Kohen, Levi and Israel. Furthermore, there are the three Patriarchs: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. There are three matzot used during the Passover Seder (corresponding to the other threes just mentioned). And there are three primary commandments of the Jewish woman: challah, candle-lighting and mikvah (relating to holiness in intimacy).

In its form, the Gimmel [ג] is seen as a Vav [ו] (the 6th letter) with a foot running to give. While there are quite a few words related to this letter (see Part 9), perhaps the most well known is that of ‘benevolence’ from the word ‘gamul’ used in the wording ‘gemilut chasadim.’ As will be discussed in detail in the next few chapters, the Dalet represents one who is bent over in humility and poverty. Its back is turned to the Gimmel and yet the Gimmel is running after him nonetheless. The message is that we give to others and try to help not because they are asking, but because it is the right thing to do. Even if they will never see or acknowledge our deed.

Furthermore, the Gimmel is moving towards the one that needs help and is facing away from the previous letter, the Beit, which means ‘home.’ As was previously discussed, ideally we come from homes that provide us with love and support and security so that when we leave we are prepared and strong. For those that have that fortunate background, then the Gimmel facing away from the Beit is not a rejection, but the successful outcome that when we educate and raise our children properly they then can leave our homes and venture out into the world, ready and willing to help others. However, for those who must run away from their backgrounds, who come from homes that were unhealthy or unfortunately abusive, the Gimmel teaches us that it does not define those individuals once they leave. They may have to run in the other direction, but their inherit benevolence and goodness is not tainted. If anything, they were raised to learn exactly what not to do so they know first hand how important love and kindness are when interacting with others.

The Gimmel also teaches us that true giving is ultimately receiving. When we focus on helping another, we gain so much in the process that in the end we helped ourselves as much if not more so than the other. This is seen in another meaning of ‘gamul’ which in addition to ‘benevolence’ means ‘nursing infant.’ The nursing infant is completely dependent on its mother to feed and nurture it. If anything, it would appear to be the following letter of the Dalet and the poor one in need. However, it is not only the baby who needs to suckle and eat but the mother who desperately needs her milk taken from her. When we have something to give, if there is no one to take from us, it is painful. The baby helps the mother and gives to the mother just as the mother gives and provides for the baby.

Bringing the meanings of the Gimmel back to the verse, we have the idea of how benevolence is tied into consistency (“She does good…all the days of her life…”) as true goodness is embedded in how a person acts in every situation. Consistency also provides stability and stability provides consistency. And foundational to everything is how the number three, the numerical equivalent of the Gimmel, reminds us how we are not alone in this world, we have one another and most importantly, we have our Creator always Above and providing us with that much needed balance.

In Part 11 we will move on to forth verse in the Eshet Chayil text.

Interinclusion is thrilled to announce that it is in the process of writing its first book to be published ideally by the Spring of 2015. It is an in-depth exploration of the text of Eshet Chayil (“A Woman of Valor”), the quintessential text honoring the Jewish woman. We would like to share parts of the material with our readers so we will be publishing sections from each chapter. We welcome your feedback and comments! 

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