R-E-S-P-E-C-T

If the Ten Commandments were multiple choice, I have no doubt that the winner for most applicable commandment would be this one: “Honor Your Mother and Father.” I don’t care how great your relationship is, I find it hard to believe that anyone has made it through life and never found—at some point—this one challenging.

More so, there is no one in this world who did not at some point have parents who, at least physically, gave that person life. So it is a commandment that is ultimately unavoidable even if not practically applicable.

One of the hardest relationships in life is that between a parent and child. And that is when the relationship is healthy and loving. Needless to say it is all the more complicated when there is dysfunction or other issues.

Externally, it seems pretty logical and simplistic that we would be required to respect the people that gave us the gift of life. And yet there is more to it. The Ten Commandments are divided into two main categories. The first five are considered to be between us and our Creator, and the second five between us and our fellow human being. Now when it comes to honoring other people, it would make sense that it fall into the second category. And yet it isn’t there. It is the final of the first set of five, and while considered a bridge to the second, it still is most definitely under the category of between us and our Creator.

And when we dig a little deeper, this is the only way this commandment truly makes sense. There are unfortunately all too many out there who don’t deserve the title of “parent.” Throughout the world we find children who are abused, neglected and hurt emotionally and physically. So why should these children be obligated or responsible for respecting and honoring people who have done nothing worthy of either? They are not. Well, kind of.

There is an important distinction to be made. Jewish philosophy completely understands and recognizes that there are toxic and dangerous family situations where children are vulnerable and at risk. And when a parent behaves in a way that is unfitting of a parent and is causing harm to the child, that child need not (when possible) communicate, associate or be around that parent. Practically speaking, if the child is not around his or her parents, the child is therefore not able to observe the various aspects of “honoring one’s parents.” Yet that is just practically speaking.

Digging a little deeper, a profound message is given and lesson is taught. The Jewish concept is that a child is created from his mother, his father and God. While our biological parents gave us physical life, our soul comes from our Creator and remains an internal part of each and every one of us. And when it comes to respect and honor, in keeping this commandment we both give that back to our Creator for giving us life and in His choice of our biological parents for physically birthing us.

Like many things in life, when it comes to family dynamics, there is plenty we struggle to understand. Why does God choose to give precious babies to those so seemingly undeserving while others struggle with fertility problems who would be loving and adoring parents. And we may never know.

But what we can know is that for whatever reason there was—and there was a reason—a particular man and a particular woman needed to connect, even if only that one time, to produce a very special soul that came from them. If the only merit those two people ever had was bringing forth this life, that in and of itself is irreplaceable.

We are not commanded to love our parents. We are not commanded to like our parents. We are not even expected to have a relationship with them if circumstances are so unhealthy. But we are required to recognize, acknowledge, honor and respect that these two people were chosen and merited the opportunity to birth us into this world.

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/the-ten-commandments-in-our-lives-part-4/

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