בטח בה לב בעלה, ושלל לא יחסר

The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he shall have no lack of spoils.

(Batach ba lev ba’alah v’shallal lo yechsar)

The Woman of the Verse:

Sarah is perhaps one of the most common and popular names for a Jewish girl. It means “princess” and was the name of the first Jewish woman in the Torah. Sarah, one of the Matriarchs of the Jewish people, is the woman alluded to in the second verse of Eshet Chayil. More so, as was discussed in the introduction, there is a commentary (Midrash Shocher Tov 112a) that the entire text of Eshet Chayil was the eulogy that was given to Sarah by her husband Abraham when he buried her in Hebron. Therefore while all of the verses can be connected to her, this verse in particular has the greatest connection.

We are introduced to Sarah towards the beginning of Genesis as the powerful, intelligent and beautiful wife of Abraham, the first Jew. Her name, however, is Sarai when we first meet her and her husband is Abram and only later are their names changed.  Her name originally has the letter Yud in it, which then becomes a Hei and his name has a Hei added to it.

The letter Yud is numerically equivalent to 10 whereas the Hei equals 5. In his marriage to her, he gains an extra letter while she maintains the same amount in her name but her letter changes. The explanation is that her Yud was divided into 2, one Hei for herself and one for her husband. What she loses in numerical value she gains in form as the letter Yud is the smallest of all the letters and represents a simple drop, whereas the Hei has height, depth and length. It represents thought, speech and action (as will be discussed in much greater detail in the verse of the Hei). Because he trusted her, Abram becomes Abraham and Sarai becomes Sarah. He gives her his heart and she gives him his true self by sharing of her true self so that the end result is that they both share in their core.

We learn through Sarah how trust begets trust. While the verse focuses on the trust her husband had for her, throughout the various stories of their relationship, we see that she trusted him with her entirety as well. And that is really the point. We trust those that trust us. And through trusting another we learn to trust ourselves and let go of our need to control.

As we discussed in the introduction, there is an explanation how the entirety of Eshet Chayil is the eulogy that Abraham gave Sarah when he buried her in the city of Hebron. So all of these verses can be related to her and yet this verse in particular is the verse most strongly associated with her.

Perhaps this is because Sarah was the first Jewish woman and is connected to the three primary commandments of the Jewish woman, all of which are trust based. These are the mitzvoth of lighting the Shabbat candles (her candles would burn from week to week), the making of challah which represents kosher food in general (her dough would stay fresh from week to week) and that of maintaining the holiness of sexual intimacy referred to most commonly as the laws of family purity (this was represented by the “clouds of Glory” that rested above their tent).

Unlike the requirements of the Jewish male which are all very external and accountable, these three primary commandments of the Jewish woman are very internal and private. They ultimately require trust. A woman ushers in the Sabbath and the holidays through the lighting of the candles. The candles illuminate, they are related to creating a sense of peace in the home and within one’s relationship, and are lit within the home. The woman lights on behalf of her husband but often at a time where practically he may not be home to witness it as he would likely already be in synagogue, therefore he trusts that she has lit those candles and on time.

There is a beautiful message in this as well that the Shabbat candles teach us. The lighting must be done prior to the onset of the holiday. They can even be lit early within the hour before hand. But they may not, under any circumstance be lit late. The Jewish woman is given the unique opportunity to usher in holiness before its scheduled time. She even has the power to transform and create that reality early (because once she has lit those candles the holiday or Shabbat has then officially begun in her home). But if she does not take advantage of this opportunity, the holiday will begin with or without her candles. She can participate and have a huge impact is she utilizes her ability properly. But once the time has come, she is no longer to light the candles. What one minute was a huge opportunity becomes something negative when not in its time.

Therefore the trust involved in this commandment is trusting not only that one will do the right thing, but that one will do it in the right time. For timing is essential. Doing the right thing at the wrong time is no longer the right thing. So trust means that I trust that you will be there for me when I need you, not when it is convenient for you. That you will say the right thing when I need to hear it, not when you are in the mood to say it. Trust and timing also go hand in hand.

When it comes to the commandment of Challah or of keeping kosher, this once again is something that happens within the privacy of one’s home. For those who observe the laws of kosher eating, when one eats outside of the home and in another’s home, it requires trusting that the laws were kept. Our food is what sustains us. As the responsibility of kosher in the home is generally delegated to the woman who is referred to as the akeret habayit, the foundation of the home, it means that we must trust that she will provide us with the necessary nourishment, what is needed to grow and develop in a healthy way. The word for kosher is also related to the word kishronot which means ‘talents’ or ‘abilities.’ This can be understood as the power of the Jewish woman to provide the strength and support for those around her to discover and reveal their unique talents and abilities. When we feel secure, when we feel loved, when we feel that someone has our back, we are that much more willing to take chances and try to live out our dreams in recognizing our potential. And to feel this way, we must trust.

It is easy to trust when we like the advice or direction we are receiving. But the real challenge comes in when we must trust something that is so contrary to our nature and the way we would handle a situation. When it comes to Sarah and Abraham, one of his many tests is trusting his wife’s handling of a situation that goes against his very grain. Sarah saw very early on that his son, Ishmael, was a negative and unhealthy influence on their son Isaac. She knew that Abraham loved his son but simultaneously knew that he needed to be kept far away from their child or Isaac was a risk for being corrupted by Ishmael’s negativity.

Sarah tells Abraham that she wants him to kick out Ishmael and his mother, Hagar. Abraham would never have chosen this way and was very torn in doing something he didn’t feel was necessary right. While he trusted Sarah, at this point an even higher form of trust kicked in when he is directly spoken to from his Creator and told, “Kol asher tomar eleicha Sarah, shema b’kola” meaning, “Everything that Sarah tells you, you are to listen to her voice.” (As my name too is Sarah, this is my favorite and oft quoted in my home. I’ve considered getting t-shirts made with this verse!) Once Abraham hears that he must trust his wife, he does so.

It could be easy to think that this shows a weakness on his part. After all, wouldn’t it have been better if he simply listened to her originally without having to be told from G-d to listen to her? But I think it is beautiful and shows an even deeper level of trust. Knowing that your husband or wife has ultimate trust in something bigger than either of the two of you, in many ways is even greater in terms of trust. For if I trust you, but you trust nothing greater than yourself, then ultimately it is all about what you think. But if I trust you, and I know that while we may disagree, you ultimately trust something Higher, then I can trust that you will ultimately do the right thing as you are not the final decision maker.

This verse, therefore, in alluding to Sarah teaches that trust is not only about one’s relationship with one’s spouse but about one’s relationship with one’s Creator. There is also a powerful teaching that Sarah had more prophecy than Abraham (See Rashi to Genesis 21:12)  and therefore it wasn’t just what she felt but what she knew had to be done. The letters for “her voice” b’kola, can be rearranged to spell ‘kabbalah’ which relates to prophecy. The same word also can be “parallel” which shows that even if she was greater in her prophetic vision, they truly were parallel to one another, finding equality and strength in the other. His trust for her allowed her to trust in him and in the various situations we learn about them, it was their trust for the other that ultimately allowed them to trust in themselves, their instincts and their decisions.

Part 7 discusses the letter Beit and how trust allows us to feel at home (bayit) with others and most importantly, within ourselves.

Interinclusion is thrilled to announce that it is in the process of writing its first book to be published ideally by the Spring of 2015. It is an in-depth exploration of the text of Eshet Chayil (“A Woman of Valor”), the quintessential text honoring the Jewish woman. We would like to share parts of the material with our readers so we will be publishing sections from each chapter. We welcome your feedback and comments! 

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/feeling-at-home-eshet-chayil-part-7/

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/believing-in-trust-eshet-chayil-part-5/

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