I have never experienced such writer’s block. Or maybe it was something more. But I have been completely stuck with this particular piece. When it comes to the fourth verse of Eshet Chayil, within two days I wrote the piece on the verse and on the letter. But the woman? I kid you not, it has been 8 months. From daily writing to almost 3/4 of a year without a single piece?

The woman in this verse is Leah. And while I never would have guessed I had so many issues understanding her, clearly I did. I have taught this verse numerous times. I guess I managed to gloss it over yet in writing that is not an option. Things have to be clear. They have to make sense. And anything insincere will be picked up immediately by the reader.

So what was it with me and Leah? For starters, upon a quick look and understanding, she seemingly represents everything I try so hard to be the opposite of. As much as I recognize she is not only one of the Matriarchs but the mother of the majority of our tribes, I have always thought of her as weak, and honestly, somewhat pathetic.

She was the older sister. The one who should have gotten married first. But it was Rachel who was chosen. Who Jacob fell in love with. As the incident is recounted, Leah tricked Jacob into marrying her at the coercion of her father. And more so, her younger sister, so as to not embarrass her, stood down and allowed her sister to proceed, even giving her the secret code she and Jacob had created to know they were marrying one another. Yet Jacob was ultimately deceived, by Leah, Rachel and their father, and instead of marrying the love of his life, he ended up being misled and marrying her homely sister. To this day a groom must see his bride’s face so that this can never occur again.

While I can completely respect and understand why Rachel did what she did, it is Leah who I have always had the gripe with. Why would she want to marry a man who didn’t want to marry her? Why would she give into that kind of pressure and essentially make her good hearted sister give her the code? Why wasn’t she stronger? More powerful? More self confident? More of her own woman? Here she was, in a marriage where she wasn’t truly wanted, and was always crying, feeling sorry for herself rather than creating the life she deserved.

I guess she taps into every insecurity that I may have. Am I really valuable? Attractive? Wanted? Loved? What if I force myself into situations where I will always be second best? And perhaps I am not alone with these fears.

But as I finally broke through in my quest to understand not only who Leah was but what she represents, I have come to a new level of appreciation, awareness and understanding.

Leah is what is hidden in this world. What is concealed. The inner dimension.

While Jacob wanted Rachel in the here and now, when they passed, it was Leah who was buried with him for eternity. For the future, the world to come, is where what is currently concealed becomes revealed.

It is Rachel who I more readily identify with as she is outgoing, outspoken, out there. But while she is the external, it is the internal that must truly be focused on and revealed in order for the external to shine.

Ultimately both have an essential role. Both are unequivocally needed. And both of these women, together, are the mothers of all the tribes.

This is the meaning of the verse that she works willingly with the wool and the flax. The harshness and the softness. She brings together opposites, thus bringing out what is lacking in both and simultaneously what both have to offer.

And she does so willingly. This is not by force. This is not coercion. As I finally came to learn, Leah didn’t marry Jacob out of weakness but out of strength. She was well aware both of what she was doing it but importantly why she was doing it. She knew he needed her. And she did what needed to be done.

It is easy to follow our heart. To do what we love. To go after the clear path. To work with the softness. But to reveal what is concealed. To do the unexpected. To deal with the harshness. The unpopular. That is the test. And that is the one Leah faced, passed and ultimately transformed.

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/its-all-about-that-balance-eshet-chayil-part-13/

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/finding-the-right-time-and-the-right-place-eshet-chayil-part-11/

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