בטח בה לב בעלה, ושלל לא יחסר

The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he shall have no lack of spoils.

(Batach ba lev ba’alah v’shallal lo yechsar)

The Letter of the Verse: 

Asking for help from others can be hard. We live in such a competitive society that we can mistakenly feel that needing another is a sign of weakness. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. We were not created to get through this life alone. And the hint to that is the very first letter of the Torah itself, the same letter that begins this verse.

This verse begins with the letter Beit, the 2^nd letter of the alphabet. There are numerous commentaries and thousands upon thousands of pages written about this, yet one of the most simple explanations is that we need other people. We need to connect. We need support. And we are never, ever, (regardless of how we feel) alone. On the flip side, it is the reminder that we cannot only think about ourselves. Others are affected by what we say and how we act. We don’t live in a vacuum.

The main theme in this verse is that of trust. Trust implies (and requires) a relationship. To be able to entrust your heart to another, there must be another. There must be two. And yet trust is hard. Often, when we are insecure, we when are unsure of ourselves, we are unable to rely on another.

But it is the very same letter that begins the word for trust (bitachon) which also is a word unto itself meaning a ‘house,’ or more appropriately, a ‘home.’ The letter Beit, when written in full, can be read as bayit, a house. Feeling at home is an essential part of trust. For those who are fortunate and blessed, they were raised in a home where they could truly be themselves. Where they felt free to express their individuality, their true nature, and to know that they would be loved unconditionally. Others weren’t so lucky. Home was not a haven but a place of pain and hurt.

There is no question that how we were raised and the environment in which we were raised impacts the adults we become. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be negative. For some of us it means modeling our homes after the homes we were raised in. For others it means doing the exact opposite of what we ourselves experienced.

But the house is not just the external building in which we live. We ourselves our houses. And learning to feel at home within our own minds, bodies and souls is so vital. It states in the Torah, “Asu li mikdash v’shachanti b’tocham” Make for me a Tabernacle, and I will dwell with them. The question is of course asked why it states “them” and not “it” as it should be in the singular. The explanation is that each and every one of us have an obligation and responsibility to create our own microcosmic Tabernacle within our homes, and even more so, within ourselves.

This process of creating a home and making others feel at home is something that is attributed to the woman. As stated previously, she is the akeret habayit, the foundation of the home. It should therefore come as no surprise that the word bayit is the word bat, meaning daughter, with a Yud that is ‘housed’ within. The Yud, which equals 10, represents the 3 intellectual and 7 emotive attributes that we all have. So these are housed within the woman, and through them she creates a space where she and others can feel at home.

There is the misconstrued notion that a woman’s place is in the home. The truth is that the woman is the home. It doesn’t matter where she is. She creates home wherever she goes and whoever is with her. In the Talmud it states, “Beitzo zu ishto” (“one’s home is one’s wife”). Her attitude, her feelings, her direction is what creates the environment and foundation to all who live there. Furthermore it says in Proverbs, “Chochmat nashim banta beita” (14:1), that the wisdom of women builds a house. Just as a woman literally houses her baby inside her womb, so too does she continue after the birth to house her children and her husband. Back to the verse, “the heart of her husband trusts in her” his emotional stability becomes part and parcel with her.

A beautiful connection is made that the word for womb, rechem, is the same root as the word for rachamim meaning empathy. When we house another, we literally have that person at our center. This allows us to be other-centered. To empathize. To feel for another. To feel another.

The form of the letter Beit is comprised of three letter Vavs, one on top, one perpendicular to it going from top to bottom (or bottom to top) and one paralleling the top line but on the bottom. The letter Vav is a letter of connection, both in terms of its meaning, its shape and its grammatical purpose as a letter of conjunction. It bridges two things together. This can therefore be seen that the home is that which connects us below to our Creator Above, and to all of humanity. Or we could see it as our highs, our lows and everything in between is connected. It is part of our process, part of our story. And even if we feel low, we can quickly go high again. And no matter if we are feeling on top of the world or rock bottom, we must never forget that we are not alone, we have others to care for and others who will care for us.

In Part 8 we will discuss the 3rd verse of the text of Eshet Chayil and its relevance to our lives.

Interinclusion is thrilled to announce that it is in the process of writing its first book to be published ideally by the Spring of 2015. It is an in-depth exploration of the text of Eshet Chayil (“A Woman of Valor”), the quintessential text honoring the Jewish woman. We would like to share parts of the material with our readers so we will be publishing sections from each chapter. We welcome your feedback and comments! 

http://www.interinclusion.org/inspirations/the-need-for-consistency-eshet-chayil-part-8/

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