בטח בה לב בעלה, ושלל לא יחסר

The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he shall have no lack of spoils.

(Batach Ba Lev Ba’alah v’shallal lo yechsar)

The Meaning of the Verse:

Trust. So hard to gain. So easy to lose. And yet without it, a relationship cannot exist. We live in a society with an over 50% divorce rate. While there are many reasons that a marriage disintegrates, what seems to be the common denominator is lack of trust. This may have been the result of an infidelity which is perhaps the greatest breach of trust, or a situation where one partner cannot trust that this other person will provide for him or her emotionally, intellectually, materially or physically. For a marriage to survive, both husband and wife must be able to trust that their partner is there for them and will be there for them, regardless of what comes their way.

When we don’t trust, we worry. When we worry, we cannot relax, stay positive or feel trust happiness. The Hebrew word for worry is da’aga. It contains 4 of the first 5 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. It has an Aleph, a Gimmel, a Dalet and a Hei. It is missing the second letter, the Beit, which begins this verse. The Beit is for the word bitachon, meaning security, trust.  The way to eradicate anxiety and worry is to be able to trust. To trust ourselves, to trust those we love and to trust our Creator.

This verse begins by telling us that it is his heart that trusts her. It mentions the heart and not the mind because trust is the ability to be vulnerable emotionally, not intellectually. I can “know” that someone is trustworthy and perhaps would feel secure giving that person a key to my house, or a password to my bank account. But that is very different than giving that person access to my heart. And yet that is what this verse is about. Love requires trust. Trust requires letting go and letting in to how and where we feel. As the famous author Ernest Hemingway once said, “The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them.”

The verse can be read a slightly different way as well. It is not just that his heart trusts her, but more so, that he entrusts her with his heart. This is an even deeper level of connection. This is showing that he has given over to her his heart, and it is for her to care for, respect, nurture and protect. This is real vulnerability which is not just that I trust you but I hold the keys but that I trust you so completely that you have my full emotional self.

The verse continues that because of his trust for her, he will not have any lack of financial gain. It is interesting to note that United States currency has written on it: “In God We Trust.” Our financial predicament can change instantaneously. No matter how much money is in our wallet or bank account, its value is most certainly not in the paper or coins but is all relative and constantly changing. Therefore the act of gaining money, keeping money and having that money be worth something requires trust.

More so, there is the concept that a man’s wealth/blessing comes through his relationship with his wife (Yevamot 62:2). This is so powerful as it is easy to think that our success, our wellbeing, all that we have in life is a direct result of what we put in, our hard work, our right decisions. And yet, this is teaching us that what we have and what we value is because of who we value and how we treat that person. When we recognize that our outcome is integrally related to our relationships and not just ourselves, it changes everything. Furthermore, it shows that to have that love, that trust and that healthy relationship, vulnerability, risk and faith are part and parcel of the process. When we can give over our heart to another, we open up opportunities and possibilities that we couldn’t have created for ourselves alone.

This can also be understood from a different angle. Perhaps it is not that the husband has all of his material needs in abundance, but rather, that because of his love for his wife, he feels as if he lacks nothing. When we are happy, when we are fulfilled emotionally, we don’t recognize what we lack as insufficient as that is not our focus. The Ethics of Our Fathers (4:1) teaches, “Eizehu ashir? Hasameach b’chelko” meaning, “Who is rich? The one who is happy with his lot.” When we appreciate what we have and those in our lives, we do not lack in any way. And the reverse is true as well, all the money in the world cannot buy health and cannot buy happiness. If one suffers from not having healthy relationships or a healthy body, then that is the person who truly lacks, regardless of what the bank account may say.

In Part 6 we will discuss the Matriarch Sarah, the first Jewish woman, and how she serves as a true role model in life.

Interinclusion is thrilled to announce that it is in the process of writing its first book to be published ideally by the Spring of 2015. It is an in-depth exploration of the text of Eshet Chayil (“A Woman of Valor”), the quintessential text honoring the Jewish woman. We would like to share parts of the material with our readers so we will be publishing sections from each chapter. We welcome your feedback and comments! 

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